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Aim for the sky and try not to miss!
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Tape Worm
By: David Bauer

Tape Worm Flying Model Rocket
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This is not the defunct Nine Inch Nails project, nor is it the computer program that fixed HAL 9000 in 2010 A Space Odyssey. Nope, this is Taenia Solium, the scourge of humanity also known as the Pork Tapeworm, ready to set flight for all to enjoy. Some may say it is just a case of Neurocysticercosis that can be treated with a dose of albendazole or praziquantel, others may point to simple Scoleciphobia. Whatever the cause the fact is we must simply deal with this abomination of model rocketry the best we can, viewing it as the product of a sick and demented mind.

Cute Rocket Kid: “Mommy, Mommy, this post is scaring me!”

Mommy Dearest: “Don’t worry darling, the tapeworms will not get you.”

Cute Rocket Kid: “OH no Mommy, I am not worried about the tapeworms, it is the highly questionable rocket design that is frightening my inner RSO!”

This lovely little hermaphrodite is powered by three E9-4s or D12-3s located at the top of the invaginated scolex, the motor mounts mimicking bothria are in between the suckers and below the two rows of hook fins. The Scolex is made out of a Styrofoam ball and the newly forming proglottids consist of two plastic water bottles caulked to a recycled BT 60 from my Storm Caster that spent a half an hour or so in the lake a few years back. The rest of the more mature proglottids making up the strobia are simply 2X2” pieces of cardstock braided and super glued to a nylon string. The suckers are 18mm centering rings covered in 100% silicon and roughed up with the index finger for a more organic look. So what if the Tester’s primer doesn’t stick to the silicon adhesive, it makes it look scarier and that is what a Monster Rocket is all about. The launch rod goes through the center.

Jeepers Creepers, I sure hope the Pad Fuehrer is not in a 3FNC only mood when I bring this little monster up to the RSO table. When all the real Level 2 and 3 rocket scientists start drilling me on the science behind this one what am I going to say? “Sorry I don’t have a computer simulation, but guys, I got a real GUT FEELING this one will fly straight.” I’ve got heavy and inefficient E9 motors, but they are up top just like nose weight, and look, the sucky motors are located between the real suckers! Yeah, that should get me a pad assignment. I can also tell them when I grow up I can build an adult tape worm, a Polygonoporus Giganticus, a three N powered monster a 100 feet long with a thousand proglottids in the strobia. It can even shed of baggies of white Tic Tacs at launch for the crowd to pick up out of the dirt, delicious! If they happen to get Cysticercosis by Taenia Solium then just a little niclosamide will clear it up. . . Dude, that is sick. Why, if this tapeworm rocket works what is to stop eight motored octopi, or squids, snakes, dragons or jellyfish? Oh, for the love of all things safe and traditional, I’m sure the Pad Fuehrer will be hoping for more members flying decent 3FNC with awesome paint jobs and motor retention.

If this tapeworm rocket doesn’t fly I can always take off the tail and hooks, paint the bottom green, slap on a red star and call it a Soyuz.

Tapeworm, the other, other white meat.

While I am not prepared to discuss brain cysts I can say that I do trust my clip whip and the awesome power of canted E9 flame fin action. There is only one way for a real tape worm to come out and I hope this rocket is not extracted from Daddy in the same manner. Hopefully I will not have to run faster than Martin Luther had to from the Diet of Worms. Yes, I am descended from a long line of German Hog Farmers..

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Child displaying Scoleciphobia (fear of worms, especially parasitic ones) from a Wikipedia photo. I thought it might foreshadow the response to this rocket at the club. GO LEAFS!

It loved those long burn E9's. Straight up nice and slow, arched over and pop, pop, pop, and then down just slow enough to avoid any major damage. Cracked loose two hook fins is all, get out the CA. Maybe for the next flight I will attach some red streamers above the motors and see if that will slow it down or level it out a bit on decent. An ejection charge is a terrible thing to waste.

Pad Fuehrer immediately inspects adequacy of recovery at landing site, making sure no repairs are made on the way back to bolster the claimed performance of such made before the launch.

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Good kids study hard to become engineers, others grow up to be Liberal Arts majors in something like History. Here a good kid patiently listens to the old History major explain what he thinks is the rocket science behind this silly model rocket that has just flown.

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Has now flown 4 times, the last two with a longer white duct tape tail extension. Time for a gory paint job for Halloween.

rockets! ROCKETS! lookit all the rockets!
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